Screenplay Analysis
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EL CID Remake
Excerpted from a series of notes about a film in development:
Smith has delivered a good first draft detailing the epic and journeys of EL CID. The script has come a long way from Smith’s comprehensive treatment, especially in highlighting the journey of IBN YUSUF, redefining the relationship between our hero and JIMENA, adding complexity to their journey and describing the deception within the court of Burgos, and in sealing his fate in his encounter with El Cid. The result is a more coherent tale of the battle between Moors and Christians, without being overtly theological, with a satisfying and dramatic finish—convincingly so, that the story of El Cid is indeed a legend and worth retelling.
A few notes / considerations:
IBN ABRA plays host to IBN YUSUF early on, and it becomes clear they have grown apart in taste and leadership methods. While it may not be terribly important to explain how these men were formerly agreeable (and what exactly stirs up Ibn Yusuf at present), it is unclear what about these differences between the two men sparks Ibn Yusuf’s own missions later on. To me, there seems to be a need for a bigger catalyst or event to spark Ibn Yusuf to strike out as he does. I think perhaps his motives could be solidified or made more apparent. Not everything has to be explained, but it seems their storyline is a bit disjointed as is.
Ibn Abra leaves Atienza and the eventual storm of Ibn Yusuf to the sons with little preparation or warning. Why does he entrust them?
The development of the relationship between Jimena and El Cid has improved considerably in the first draft, in comparison to the treatment. Jimena leaves Burgos to be her own woman and seek revenge. She resists the advances of the count, but later (jokes? or is she serious?) says that El Cid can only have her by force. She does not come across as someone who would joke about such a thing OR welcome it, so it seems a bit odd and out-of-character. Her character has improved beyond being merely a token, though (unlike Helen of TROY), but I do believe there is more that could be done. She loses her family at a young age and is raised in the court and, although she trains as a knight, she onducts herself in a lady-like manner in the presence of the court. She mentions that she will not let herself become a man until she seeks revenge on her family, but it is unclear what she has been doing with herself (other than refining her skills) in the meantime before El Cid appears. Her life choices seemed to be reactive, in terms of her quest to avenge the deaths of her family, up to this point. It seems that if she were truly trying to BE a man, she might have been more pro-active in seeking ways to get revenge earlier than when her proverbial ‘knight in shining armor’ aka El Cid first appears and inspires her act on these urges.
I noticed that (by page 68) the scene and purpose for the story have more or less been established, but nothing has really HAPPENED quite yet. While epic screenplays are longer than typical screenplays, I noticed at this point, perhaps the story could be more advanced.
Rodrigo concedes his respect to ALFONSO and decides to come to his aid, but it is unclear how or when he’s come to this conclusion. The entire epic is about him being banished from Burgos, becoming his own man, and finding his own place in the world as his own leader, yet he seems to all-too-easily relinquish this freedom, if for a little while, to come to the aid of Alfonso. What is the catalyst for this change of heart and new-found allegiance to his former king? Jimena fights for Atienza and wants to stay put in what she considers her new home, but what about it makes it theirs above all others?
I thought some of the more important events of the ending may have been a bit hastened, while the dramatic parts may have been too overwrought. Could there be another scene with CONSTANCE without giving TOO much away? A few of the final dramatic moments were a bit much at the end of such an epic read. Perhaps they could be better served if the script were tightened in other areas.
The ending, though foreshadowed, is effective and emotional. The screenplay makes good use of the idea of legends and the significance of El Cid without overstating the idea. The piece has all of the ingredients of an epic story—a hero who comes of age, interesting and colorful supporting characters, a beautiful and tenacious heroine, and an exciting storyline—that, if done well, could be an exciting actor’s piece and timeless film.
– Developed for MGM Studios in 2005. Project currently inactive.